For the last few months, I feel harassed.



By people I don't even know. From the people I know, takyah cakaplah kan.

I think it's finally taking its toll on me. Sleepless nights, taunts, fear of hurting people's feelings and the constant pressure of doing the right thing. I know what I'm doing is right. But what's the point when everybody thinks you're in the wrong anyways? Pointless. Utterly pointless. I think at one point I'm just gonna announce something completely wtf-ish like, I don't know, I'm gay or something just to shut people up.

I don't understand why they're being so optimistic that I will change my mind.

I don't understand why is it so hard to accept my opinion in this matter. It's not like I haven't given this issue much thought. It's not like I'm making a decision on a whim. IT IS NOT LIKE THAT.

All I know is I'm fucking hating this bullshit I'm going through because nobody is trying to fucking understand me. NOBODY. Not even my so-called 'best friend' who supposed to understand me a lot more than the others because I've been yapping about this to him for ages. At one point, I am fed up with trying to make him see my point of view, so I just glare and tolerate it.


Fuck this. I can't wait for Nilai. I need a change of environment. Actually, any change will do.




-- (everybody thinks whatever they're telling me is the right thing. for some reason, they can't take the word NO. i don't get it. i don't understand why people take something simple and mutilate it into something beyond incomprehensible just because they don't see it my way. these things are simple, really. they are. and usually, i would explain SIMPLY the reason why i am doing whatever i am doing. but of course, i'm wrong and they're right. that's what they told me.)