heebeejeebies of you-know-what
Ok, this is a rather obscene hour to blog. It's an obscene hour to do anything unless it includes sleeping. I already said my byes to my friends on my msn messenger but... I'm still wide awake. I'm nervous. TWO MORE FREAKING DAYS Y'ALL!
Ok, I know, I made a promise not to blog about SPM for a week. And also not to make a countdown. But I can't help it ok! My nerves aren't helping me. My parents aren't helping me. And oh God, please ship me to Timbuktu now because my relatives are definitely NOT helping me.
For one thing, two of my uncles had congratulated me over my SPM results.
Yes, read the same line again if you don't understand me. It is what it said.
Yeah, I know, like every other normal person, I know that I won't be receiving my results till this Monday. But my uncles said they had such confidence in me that they want to be the first to congratulate me.
WHAT THE EFF. YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF PRESSURE. YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF PRESSURE??!?!?!
First Uncle: "I can GUARANTEE you that you will get 10 A1."
Second Uncle: "If Atikah can't do it, what can you expect from the other kids??"
Ok. What world are they living in?? Seriously, it's like I'm related to aliens from planet Zenon or something. I mean, what the hell did I do to make them so confident? I AM NOT CONFIDENT. NOT AT ALL. 10 A1?? WHERE THE HELL CAN I BUY THAT FROM? What the hell... Oh my god, I want to die. Please kill me somebody. I can't bear to live with this such expectations. I can't. I can't even think of facing them. It's like, I wanna run away and live in a hut. Just.. Oh my god, kill me somebody! KILL ME NOW.
Ok alright, maybe I do have a good resume. Ok, let's see:
1. A PTS student.
2. Straight A's for UPSR
3. Straight A's for PMR
So naturally, I should get straight A's for SPM right? Hmmm. BLOODY UNLIKELY.
They do not see how I struggled to get an effing B. Or even a pass when it comes to Addmaths. They don't see it. They just expect. Like, I am the girl genius or something. I can't. I can't do this. I just can't take this anymore. I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE DAMN PRESSURE.
I want to die. Honestly? It's better than to live this down. To suddenly disappoint all of them. You know, when I was studying, it was just about me and my future. I forgot how it includes everyone else. I forgot. Now, it reminds me. Now, it just bloody reminds me.
I know my parents are very strung out over it. I try not to think about it and think about mundane things like what I'm going to do for my birthday party which is by the way, another one month away. My parents always make jokes about it but I know it's just to hide their anxiety. Plus, they said they're gonna send me to school and wait for me since who else is going to pick me up later?
Oh my god. I'm so scared now.
If anybody ask me now: do or die?
I'll pick die.
-- I NEED HUGS AND WORDS OF COMFORT NOW.
Labels: spm
1 Comments:
okay.
A. I think you're being TOO IRRATIONAL about this. My grnadmother always say that whenever someone compliments you, you should say Alhamdulillah instead of denying and dying over it. My uncle made harsh jokes about it. They're like.. "Sasha, kalau tak dpt straight As kita kahwinkan terus" or something like "If you get only 1 A for Spm, I'll give you a million ringgit because you're not worth living, can't go anywhere in the future". All you have to do is just TELAN and Alhamdulillah saja.
B. THERE IS NO USE OF WANTING TO DIE. You're regretting that you have to go through all this, but you'll regret even more if you die now. So what if SPM you tak straight? Life can still go on and you can make your way regardless. And on the bright side, if you die now, imagine all the sex you'll be missing out.
C. So shut up! Buck up! Go through it! And regardless of WHATEVER any of us get, we'll still go celebrate our seketul dua ketul As okay!?
D. Love.
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