are you born to resist or be abused?
sometimes, i feel like all the mean things people do to me boils down to my fault. my fault for letting it happen or not taking control of things. i wonder, if i ever have a big blow-out argument with somebody, would i be the bad guy? i can just imagine it. i'll be at the corner, too consumed with anger to speak another word. while the other person confides his/her sob story to anybody's willing to listen. in the end, somebody would say, c'mon just forgive him/her already, there is no point in dragging this forever? don't break everyone just because of your own agenda. selflessness? either way, anger is a best friend.
has someone taken your faith? its real, the pain you feel. the life, the love. you'd die to heal. the hope that start. the broken hearts. your trust, you must. confess.
i am thinking, am i selfish or are you?
everybody thinks it's over when somebody says sorry.
they're wrong.
sorrys don't mean anything to me unless they're genuine.
but mostly they're just quick exit doors. quick exit doors. run run run. run because yes, it's a stupid mistake. run because it's the only way. sure, your apartment has burnt down but hey, at least you remained unscathed, right? that's what everybody wants. make a mistake but remain good as new. while flames lick your front door, your bed and flat-screen tv, you're outside and glad, that you're out from immediate danger.
i don't want to be the bad guy. i am wronged. misunderstood. pushed aside as the subplot. i am a subplot to you. why should you waste your fake sorrys on me? i don't want people to look at me as a problem to be solved. i don't want people to look at me and think i am somewhat a barrier of happier better things. i do not ask for it. so why the hell should i be blamed for its existence?
i understand when people break me indirectly. people make mistakes. probably, right now, somebody is writing a blog post about how i did them wrong. i am truly sorry. i break people and you break people.
but i don't understand when the people i love break me and know they are doing it.
i don't. my brain tries to decipher it but i will never understand why. is there satisfaction? or it's just full-blown ignorance?
has someone taken your faith? its real, the pain you feel. the life, the love. you'd die to heal. the hope that start. the broken hearts. your trust, you must. confess.
i am thinking, am i selfish or are you?
everybody thinks it's over when somebody says sorry.
they're wrong.
sorrys don't mean anything to me unless they're genuine.
but mostly they're just quick exit doors. quick exit doors. run run run. run because yes, it's a stupid mistake. run because it's the only way. sure, your apartment has burnt down but hey, at least you remained unscathed, right? that's what everybody wants. make a mistake but remain good as new. while flames lick your front door, your bed and flat-screen tv, you're outside and glad, that you're out from immediate danger.
i don't want to be the bad guy. i am wronged. misunderstood. pushed aside as the subplot. i am a subplot to you. why should you waste your fake sorrys on me? i don't want people to look at me as a problem to be solved. i don't want people to look at me and think i am somewhat a barrier of happier better things. i do not ask for it. so why the hell should i be blamed for its existence?
i understand when people break me indirectly. people make mistakes. probably, right now, somebody is writing a blog post about how i did them wrong. i am truly sorry. i break people and you break people.
but i don't understand when the people i love break me and know they are doing it.
i don't. my brain tries to decipher it but i will never understand why. is there satisfaction? or it's just full-blown ignorance?
i am thinking, am i selfish or are you?
-- suddenly, i am the greatest actress in the world.
2 Comments:
hey atikah. im sorry if i ada kena mengena dalam pembaraan api emosimu. serious shieyt.and this is genuine and its not an exit-schmexit door okay.i wanna help estinguish this impetuous flame maybe u should just explode and let all the fire in u come to life and cremate every living soul!(ok lah.urfriends je la). burn baby burn. its not healthy and if u remain quiet about this, its not gonna do u any good sista.and make it clear.atikah, im ur friend. and we're all ur friends. I love u no matter how ugly things.i want u to be happy. and clearly u are NOT. word. (word. ahhaha LAME.). so please,dun be quiet about this.so give sum of that lovin u hv n ur blog right now to whomever ur mad at. i love u.
barney's looooveeeeeeeerrr.
nadzirah.
you might think that bottling up your feelings are the best thing for everyone. and it might be. but its not good for YOU! you might not be looking for sympathy, you might not be looking for apologies. but I'm teeling you now, keep doing this any longer and you'll hate yourself. seriously. just let it go. and I don't mean this in anyone's favour against yours. I mean just confront the problem instead of running away from it. People make mistakes in life. So what, your sister steal you candy one day, and hate her for the rest of your life? I know this might not be anything like that but I'm telling you, anger is not the answer. come on! I really miss the old you! baby rempits and I do believe in fari-faries, remember!? I WANT YOU BACK! and the only way thats gonna happen, is if you come talk about your problems, let go your anger, and forgive. and you might think none of this is genuine, but I guess its up to you how much you trust your friends. and I mean it damn well when I say I love you!!!!! and I want my KIKI back! I WANT YOU BACK!!!
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