and not exactly sick as a dog yet

I skipped school today.

I know I had solemnly vowed not to skip school. However things took a turn when I saw my timetable for today's class.

Agama is first. Mind fastforwarded to my sick self waiting outside surau, waiting for the damned bell to ring. Then hobble in surau. An hour later, hobble out of surau. Hobble up four flights of stairs and dump myself on my chair. Yeyness.

EST. Mind fastforwarded to death as boredom takes over the class.

Fastforward fastforward fastforward.

Recess. Not wanting to move at all, I decide to stay in class only to be pestered by junior prefects that clearly does not understand the power of seniority. And good common sense. They will try to make me hobble down to canteen. And if I tell them my situation, they will make me hobble to the PBSM room. Either way, they just don't want you around while they're on-duty. Well tough luck. Bite me.

("I'm sick and I don't want to go downstairs. I just don't have the energy ok? Look, what am I going to do in the canteen? I'm not gonna eat, I'm not going to PBSM room because it's probably closed anyways - so why can't I stay in here! I don't care, write down my name or something. I don't care. I don't care. Nothing you will say or do can make me move. No. No. No. No. No. ...")

Fastforward to Biology. UGH. Uggghhh.

She'd probably quiz us on Chapter 3 which I have been reading but not good enough till I can answer every of her questions. And if I can't answer, she will say out loud that I DON'T STUDY! And I'm just not in the mood for that kind of accusation. And my fastforwarded self will cringe. Cringe because I am tired of the whole melodramatic-ness of WHY DIDN'T YOU STUDY and the fact that everybody is watching me and the fact that she still couldn't remember my name ("the girl sitting behind my darling!!") . Yes, that's right. I have been in her class since last year and my name just escapes her, y'know. Shucks.

Ok, maybe I'm being melodramatic - maybe she won't even quiz is and if she did, she probably wouldn't call me - but the thought of coming to school with a braindead brain and a deader body is just... so I skipped school. And my friends keep telling me that if I supressed illness from happening, it would happen anyways but in a much worst form. Thus, I'm staying at home so I can just let the sick play it out and let my immune system does it job...

SHIT! My N*sync CD is in my dad's car! Camne nak bawak pegi camp????

Darn darn darn!

1. Honestly, what color are your underwear?
Uh... white.

2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
I'm trying to find ways to cheer myself up. Ugh. Imma sick!

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Listening to all happy songs to cheer myself up

4. Honestly, what did you do today?
Woke up. Read a bit more of my The Devil Wears Prada. Breakfast. And sitting right now, answering your q's.

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
Not really.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Being unfriendly towards my mum's friend who will be chaffeuring me around this few days. I'm just not in the mood to fake happiness.

7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
Yes. I love disney!

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Yes yes yes yes yes.

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
When the day is smooth-sailing? I don't know. I really don't know what makes me go through each day with a laugh. I guess, great people around.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
I used to

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Sick. Suckiness. Annoyance. Tired. Boredom. What else?

12 Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
I think I had...

13 Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes. My non-existant fairy god mother. She is not doing a good job in turning me fabulous.

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
I have a secret but I don't think it's deep or dark...

15. Honestly, do you have a friend you dont actually like?
Oh honey, don't lie. Who wouldn't admit that our friends, even best friends, piss us off with their attitude sometimes? All you need is tolerance and your understanding. If I don't have that, I wouldn't have friends. Honestly.

16. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
I don't know. I don't want to spread my germs to people. I want my pillow!

17. Honestly, are you loyal?
It never occured to me until a friend says that I am. And ok, the fact that I wake up 5.30 am in the morning and wrestle 45 minutes of driving just so I can be with them... Yes. Bloody hell I am!

18. Honestly, are you in denial?
In what?

19. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
No! Hell no!

20. Honestly, do you like someone?
I like everybody because I honestly truly believe everybody is beautiful in their own way. I don't like people who hate somebody just because. It's shallow and ignorant.

21. Honestly, does anyone like you?
Of course! haha! THEY CAN'T RESIST ME. I AM THE LIGHT OF THEIR LIVES.

22. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
Don't know really.

DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY

*Anger Section*

1. What do you do when you're mad?
Sulk. Mope. Grit teeth. Try to put it under control.

2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
Throw stuff in people's faces... Kinda do that at a number of times.. sorry.

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
... omg yes.

4. Ever hurt anyone physically when you were mad?
Hahahah! Ask the guys.

5. Do you curse when you're mad?
I curse especially when I'm mad

*CRYING SECTION*

1. When was the last time you really cried your heart out?
Somewhere in the past recently. Can't remember when.

2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yeah..

3. Do you cry when you get an injury?
Depends on the injury but usually I'm not the person to just weep for small things.

4. Do certain songs make you cry?
When it reminds me of some low point in my life, yes.

*Happy Section*

1. Are you normally a happy person?
It depends really.

2. Who can make you happy ... no matter what?
Good company.

3. Does being with your friends make you happy?
It'll make me forget about the sucky things. Unless... they start it.

*Self-Esteem Section*

1. Is your self-esteem extremely low?
I don't think so. But I really don't know.

2. Do you believe in yourself?
.... What?

3. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you deny that you are?
Depends. hahah! If it was Mahfuz, I would scoff. If it was Aiman, I would laugh and say thanks. If it was Shafiq, I would either ask what does he mean by it or just look away...

-- all the simple things are just too complicated in my life.