a self-absorbed post which serves nothing but to remind me. move along now.

1. I do not have guts.

I don't. I wish I have more guts to do things but I don't. Really. No guts at all. Why do you think it took me this long to take the driving exam? haha. Things got in the way, yes, but I know if I just take a little bit of determination and organization and I know I could have done the exam ages ago.

Fact is: I've got no guts.

Why am I saying this? You know a lot of people say that during the vacation, they found there's nothing to do. As for me, there are many things to do actually, just waiting to be done, but I don't do it. I don't start it so I can pretend that actually I have nothing to do. Which I have. Funny thing is, I'm always on the lookout for things to do and when I do find something interesting, something that I want to do - I chicken out. Basically. Normally. Usually. You know the story.

Do I want to do some of the things I wanna do? Hell yes.

So, what's stopping me? Overthinking.

In last semesters, I've always been into some project or event or either which. In fact, I was pretty gung-ho about doing all these things. How?

I don't think about it.

I say YES out loud without thinking of the consequences, whether I have the time or any Insecurity of the Week. There wasn't time. To squeeze in assignments and studying, if you want to do some project, to mull and get all insecure about it just takes time which you obviously do not have. So I just do it. Without thinking. Especially without thinking.

Because when you think, you go, can I do this?

What makes me think I'm good enough?

What if I can't?

I'm just not ready for this kinda thing yet.

I don't know... I'm not used to this kind of thing.

What - if - I - FAIL?

Suddenly, the thing you wanted to achieve became like magnifying glass of all your flaws. ALL OF THEM. Even the ones not directly connected. So, at the end of the day, not only you don't do the thing that you wanted to do, you feel like the lowest level of crap too. And just because you wanna do something.

Tsk. I should do something.

-- I love my laptop :D