pointless ramblings

The title pretty much sums up everything. Which is funny, because there are quite a few happenings in my life right now that would totally deserve a post or two... but I don't know, mood escapes me now.

This is something I notice too. My mood dictates who I will be on that day. Which gives troubles because there are certain days where I need my wit with me and lead the day as I am needed to. There are certain days where I DO NOT deserve to be reclusive and passive. There are certain days where some people out there depended on me for being me. But no, mood sails me away deeper into myself. Out of reach. And sometimes, I don't clamber fast enough to save the situation. Haish, Atikah, when will you learn selfishness will get you nowhere?


I am mentally tired. The midterm week ended and well the last 4 exams I had were... horrendous. Yeah, none of that confidence now. I know it will bad but that's not bothering me now. What bothers me now is that I don't have the energy or the drive to fix the situation.

Can you please imagine my situation?

I had my last two papers last weekend. Bad thing was that I had this stupid pointless motivational course, which is compulsory for all my uni's kids, on Saturday and Sunday. What's worse was that I had to squeeze last minute study with the stupid motivational crap. It started from 2 pm on Saturday till 2 pm on Sunday. Lots of hours were wasted. Then there was a Qiamulail. I had to wake up at 4 am! WHEN I HAVE COMPUTER EXAM IN THE NEXT 6 HOURS. I slept for just 4 hours! BODOH SIAL SIAPA YANG ORGANIZE. BODOH BODOH FUCKING BODOH.

Grrrr.... I am still rather pissed about it. Is it me or my beloved uni is falling into pieces when it comes to administration? Don't knowlah. Don't want to get kicked out now.

So now, I am really tired. Mentally. We don't even get a holiday after our exams. It went straight to more classes, assignments and quizzes. Right now, I have about 6 important assignments that plays a role in my CGPA. Are you trying to kill us all? Most days I have 7 to 8 hours of class - BACK TO BACK. I feel like a zombie most of the time. It's like, it's ok, at least they got my attendance, at least I receive their notes and crap - doesn't matter if I can't understand WHATEVER they're talking about.

And almost all lecturers think that their class and assignments are more important than everything else in the world. Please send this tomorrow. Please give your presentation tomorrow. Please pay attention. Please show some respond that shows you are actually alive in my class. Oh you're having your exam week right now? Oh, you're taking 8 subjects this semester? So?

The countdown clock is not even comforting me because the less days I have, the less time I have to finish all my damn assignments and projects and before I know it, HELLO FINALS APA KHABAR? I don't even have time to calm down really.

This is a haiku I wrote for my poetry class. I thought of it immediately when my lecturer asked me to write a haiku about our classes and core courses. I know, classes. Lame-ass topic. But oh well. I actually like it a lot and it's too bad I didn't get to present as I woke up late on the day of presentation. Oh yeah, waking up late. That's another trouble.



Death begins at dawn,
Where has the students gone to?
Funerals of minds.



Pretty much sums up my thoughts about this semester.

-- I think I swear too much. Gee, what an understatement, Atikah. haha.