kempunan

Didn't get my 4 flat.

Got 3.5 instead. Babi rendah from my expectations. I don't know. Next semester I will have 2 more subjects to my 6. So. LAGI TAKDE HARAPAN. Argh. Harapan punah berkecai. Kempunan.

There is no English word that can quite capture the essence of 'kempunan'.

Maybe disappointment will do.

Disappointing. Disappoint. Disappointed.

Fuck it, kempunan sounds better.

Saya kempunan. Ya, benar. Saya benar-benar kempunan.

Funny thing is my parents didn't mind. They're trying to console me and all that. And repeatedly said, you still got Dean's List. Ok what! Well, Mum and Dad, it is not enough for me! NEVER ENOUGH. I studied like a sick sick motherfucker and 3.5 is definitely not what I aimed for! Of course, my parents weren't there during all those time studying like crazy. Remembering the days where I put my studying a top priority and nothing else... Now seems rather pointless.

Pointlessness. Ah. I don't know. You know, I sacrificed a lot for this one semester.

And I thought, everything will be compensated. Yessir, everything will be compensated.

Has it?

-- MALAS NAK PACK. MALAS NAK PEGI KELAS. MALAS NAK STUDY. MALAS MALAS MALAS.