UPU

i am severely disappointed.

i have cried for an hour and now, i'm okay. betterlah.
it's just...
i hate this.
this APPEAL crap.
it's outta my hands.
i wanna decide my future not somebody who's bored in an airconditioned office.
i don't like putting my future in somebody else's hands.
i don't want to wait anymore.
i dont want to wait for a maybe-rejection AGAIN.

yeah, i'm being egoistical and stupid.
but i don't know.
closing the door on me without letting me try
pisses me off.
so, now,
YES BARU SEKARANG
I KNOW BAD MISTAKE
so, NOW,
i'm checking out other options.
i know i'm mad and frustrated and disappointed
thus maybe not making good rational thinking.

but i don't care ok?

yeah, i appealed already
but i'm not gonna rely on just the appeal.
colleges, here i come.

hey, i always talked about colleges
and gush about colleges
maybe God is like fulfilling my want.

you know, you get what you want, not what you need.

and maybe what i want is colleges. but i need uia.
omg, when you think about it,
i always go, oh this uia thingy is ok but sometimes i wish i don't get it so i can go to college...

yeah. oh god. i didn't even think it's ever going to be like that.
oh well.
ok good luck people with your upu.
mine has already gone down the drain.
ugh.
ugh.
UGHHH.

i think i better stop talking right now because i'm starting to tear up again.
oh god.
i don't know how to break this to my parents.
oh god. oh god. oh god.

the reason i studied like shit is so I DON'T HAVE TO FACE THIS KINDA REJECTION.

-- anyway, i wanna thank naz for helping me to know more about appeals and bothering to call up his uia friends. you're a real friend and i am SO THANKFUL for your effort and help. i'll see what i can do with this problem... thanks yeah? And oh god, shafiq, i don't know where to start. thanks so bloody much for picking up the phone! thanks for listening to my incoherent crying wreck of a speech! honestly, it was my first time calling up a person while crying. and yes, thanks for listening and calming me down. i needed that. buckets of them. and fifi, because you're there and though i naturally don't like sex talks but that really cheered me up. sigh. now to face the music.