The Loneliness Age

And so it begins, the holidays with me alone. Alone. Alright, my maid's around but still. You get what I mean. My sister is back at MMU while my parents are heading to Korea right this moment. Great. Half of my friends are going back kampung and the other half is scattered everywhere else. I'm getting kinda depressed right now. This morning, I was eager to make my holiday as interesting as possible but now... Hopes are kinda dashing.

I can just see myself in the next few days. Sitting in front of my computer. Day and night. Night and day. Wasting time. Doing absolutely nothing. I'm thinking of de-cluttering my closet. There's loads of clothes I can no longer fit but kept for some stupid reason. Sentimental stuff. I still have the dress I wore when I performed in my kindergarten. It's bright pink! I looked sexy in it. Hahah. Looked. Past tense. It's not like I'm wearing it now and then. I'm not some kind of freak, hello!

My maid asked me whether I wanted to go to the mall with her. I'm just nodding and 'uhuh'-ing. It's not that I'm embarassed to be with her in public, it's just that she's a tad annoying. And she can be extremely cheerful for no reason at all! I wonder if she's been taking drugs... But I doubt it.

Maybe I can look forward to the EST tuitions that will be held in school later on. At least I'll see my classmates again. And Miss Ruth. When is she gonna retire? Honestly, she's practically ancient. Don't the museums want her? I'm beginning to crave someone. It's weird but familiar. Maybe I should practice my piano. I've been horrible at it lately. And skipping the classes for weeks now. I'm just glad that I am no longer playing 'La Cucharacha'. Mexican music on the piano? WRONG. DEAD WRONG. And crap to listen at.

I feel so lonely. I feel so crappy right now that I don't even feel like chatting up with my friends on the net. Which is weird because if you're lonely, isn't the best way to cure it is by talking to someone? Maybe, I'll be fine by tomorrow. Yeah. Anyways, as you noticed by now, I've changed my skin. I like this one. For real. It's the picture above. It's so pretty. I'm obsessed with pictures now. When I'm not taking pictures, I'm fixing them with my Photoshop. While watching Ungu Violet, I was trying to take a picture of Tasnim and Diana with my handphone. But it was too dark. Damn. It will be an interesting piece, for sure.

Talking about Ungu Violet, that Indonesian movie, it was surprisingly - sucky. It didn't have a good ending - if you can call it one. It's not happy and it's not sad - it just... ends. Movies supposed to inspire you or at least, give you a feeling of closure in the end. It's like reading a good book. It didn't have to be great or superb, if it can inject a bit of something into you, then it has done its job. But no. Diana was bored her pants off. I was cracking jokes while the movie was climaxing (honestly, the way the girl gets blind is so... STUPID. God, bodohnye.). Miza was sitting too far away from me but when the credits were rolling, she babbled nonstop. I thought Tasnim enjoyed it. She was still wallowing in the ungu-violet-atmosphere even when the movie ended. Until she broke out telling us how she wasted 10 bucks on the movie. The worse thing was the movie is goddamn slow. Like the hero would stand there for 20 seconds on the screen - without doing anything particular! And the hero-dude looked like he is an extra from Planet of The Apes. Sorry to say. Maybe the rugged look isn't cut out for him. But a good actor though. Damn good.

What I like about the movie was the fact that the hero's ex-girlfriend dumped him because he was sick. That's plain cruel but understandable. But that's just sad. His girlfriend didn't want him because of his disease. Like he wanted to be sick in the first place. There's also this one scene where I think they're about to have sex. Hah. You got that right. When the guy pulled the girl into his apartment and slam the door shut, I became uneasy. I was thinking 'NO FREAKING WAY. NO. WAY. Aren't they Muslims?? They can't be doing this!' when the guy took off the girl's wool pullover. But they didn't have sex. Phew. Sometimes I'm glad Malaysia has a censorship board.

I like the pictures in the movie, too! They're pretty! I told you I'm obsessed. In my new room, I'm gonna make a collage of pictures. My pictures. That will be so freaking awesome! I'm gonna tweaked them with Photoshop o'course. They will be mellow blue or black and white. Awesome, man. AWESOME.

Oh yeah, www.atikah-ness.fotopages.com. Go there for the Sumbangsih pix.

-- I'm so lonely...I've got nobody..