emo

i've just had my last tuition with my biology teacher and basically, i feel weepy and sad. sigh.

i'm not literally weepy but the knowledge that i won't see him again makes me somewhat sad. we're more like buddies than student-teacher. aside from bio facts, we talk about the latest movies, what malaysia is coming to (he does most the talking obviously, i just listen) and even about his relationship with his wife! i'm not kidding! there's one time i'm acting like a marriage caunsellour. he was complaining that his wife is annoying the heck out of him. and me , being the diplomat was like, oh i'm sure this is just a phase, i mean, not all marriages stays the whole bliss period right? I AM OPRAH! hahah. but he continued saying that she's been annoying him since the first day of marriage and i'm like, why the hell did you marry her in the first place?? and he's like, dah suka sama suka what.

PFFT. i wanted to say, well you brought this hell onto yourself, dude. hahah. but i didn't of course. there must be a line at least.

i'm thinking that i am becoming more and more emo these days. even the slightest occurance makes me go WHY?? WHY? EMOES.... pfft. i wasn't like this, i swear. last time, everyone thought i was devoid of emotions. like, it's either i'm happy or sad. nothing else in between. it is not like i am literally devoid, it's just that i'm not the most expressive person on earth. now it's like, people expect me to be emo when i'm just being normal. which pisses me off because i don't become emo if i break a nail or finished my liquid paper or something. I AM NOT THAT EMOTIONAL. obviously you don't know everything about my life. i do get annoyed sometimes but i won't call annoyance as emo. there are some things that you don't know about me and if you do know? well then, you'd understand. but since, you don't, well...

sometimes i feel bad for my friends who obviously wanted to help but get caught in the whole... emo thing. it's like they don't have got to do with anything but end up... i don't know what's the word for it. i am truly sorry and glad that i have genuinely great friends... but i think there are somethings that should left remained unsaid. i have no words.

especially to shafiq, who is usually the victim of my wrath. haha. thanks for being there for me and try to understand my complicated ways. i'm complicated, i realised that. not such the simple soul you used to know, huh? do you know that you know me the most? yeah, you do. i guess the fact you'd kill yourself just to make me feel better makes me love you so much. it's just that i don't want to be emotionally-dependant. like, i have to rely on someone to make me feel good. i don't want that. and sometimes, you are so close to the truth that i just can't let you. it's not about trust. more like me keeping it together. anyway, thanks. i'd probably would've written this in your yearbook but you didn't bring it the other day...

yeah i know people are going to freak out with the term love here but whatever. hell, even shafiq's gonna freak out. haha. i know you guys too well. but honestly? i think the term love, in my point of view, stretches to more than just gfs and bfs and my boo and whatnot. i love all my friends - that serves as a hint. i feel like this is a goodbye post.

funny. this post is getting emo. shit. anyways, one more day until everything is over! can't wait can't wait and then maybe i can continue in what i've postponed so long - my life!

-- i love shahrul, fawwaz, azfar, aiman, mahfuz etc. just for good measure. haha.