Second Thoughts

I've told a couple of people that I'm quitting Physics. Their feedbacks were confusion, raised eyebrows and basically the whole 'That's your deal' thing. Meh. People keep thinking that I was quitting a physic tuition or something. Until I told them that I am GOING TO DROP Physics AT SCHOOL and NEVER EVER GOING TO LEARN Physics ever again. I am probably the first kid in my class to drop any subject. Seriously.

I think people dread dropping subjects. I mean, c'mon, with people scoring seventeen A's, there's the temptation to go kiasu! And you're going to lose one measly A because you can't just push yourself to read the fricking textbook! Yep. That's what written on their faces. They'd probably thinking why would I want to quit Physics in the first place since it's probably (currently) the easiest thing around. No memorising (for now) but just remember the formulas and you're fine. Apparently, I found out, that's not the case. It gets harder, people. And if I'm having a shitty time trying to understand the formulas, I don't think I'll even get past the other chapters.

The thing is, how much kiasu I wanted to be, the only thing that kept me going is interest. I'm interested in Science, which is why I took Pure Science in the first place (and there's the question about being kiasu... See? I care about this kiasu stuff). But generally, I sucked in Maths. I hate maths - in fact, I always try to find a loophole so I don't have to wrestle with Math-related subjects. People asked me - why the heck didn't you just dropped Addmaths a.k.a the killer subject then? I would love to do that. Seriously, I would. But I don't think my chances for a good university is high without my Addmaths - so I got no choice whatsoever. I can't drop Modmaths even though I think it's the most crap subject ever (Sets?! We're learning about SETS?!). And that leaves Physics. I NEVER thought that Physics could leave me so frustrated.

I'm not interested in Physics. My ambitions got nothing to with Physics. I forced myself not to sleep in my Physics class. I couldn't understand the textbook nor the buku rujukan. In class, when the teacher talks, I thought she was speaking Martian. My friends could crack a Physics-related jokes, which makes me want to chuck my pencils at their faces. But suddenly, the whole kiasu thing gets to you. Miz said she wants to drop Physics too but she doesn't look like it. Mahfuz once said that he wanted to drop Biology - in Form 5. Suddenly, I'm not sure. I mean, the bad feedback and people telling me to just to hold on... My Chemistry tuition teacher just told me to be persistant and you know, just do it!

But dammit! My Physics teacher didn't come today, which makes this whole dropping-physics-foreva! thing delayed even more. I'm not sure if it's coincidence or God using his mysterious ways but... whateverlah. My studies are going downhill anyways.

-- Somebody said that I gotta go through Pn. Woo to officially drop a subject. Shit. I don't care - it's my life anyway.