I am going to die. Observe:




A classmate of mine, named Hamizah called me at 1 pm today. This is what she said:

Hamizah: Atikah, I need to tell you something about our BEN gathering tonight.
Atikah: Ok, what's up?
Hamizah: You need to do something.
Atikah: Yeah? Like what?
Hamizah: You need to give a speech about the Barriers between Men and Women.



OK WTF?!!??!?!





Do you know that I am supposed to give a tazkirah (yes, indeed, tazkirah, me??) to a bunch of BEN students - some older than me by two years. And when I mean a bunch? What I really meant is ABOUT A HUNDRED STUDENTS IN THE DAMN FREAKING HALL LECTURE! And do you know HOW FREAKING LAST MINUTE THIS IS?

I am supposed to give a speech TONIGHT.
I am supposed to give a speech without any earlier preparation.
It's like, ok, WTF RIGHT?

And I can't quit. As in I can't back out. My lecturer is counting on me. I will die a horrible death. And oh my god, I hope I don't become the biggest hypocrite in the world. I mean, ok, barriers between men and women?? I kinda have guy friends anddddd I don't exactly restrain myself from them. OKLAH NOT LIKE THAT LAH. No kissing or sexing or whatever. But still. I ain't Virgin Mary. Anyway, I'm gonna focus on the kissing and sexing part since I think that's what my lecturer wants. So, not exactly a hypocrite - though NOT exactly the best example.

Ah well.

Right now, I am amazingly calmer than expected. I'm trying to look at it at the bright side. I know I'll be a gibberish puddle of Atikah by tonight but I just gotta take up whatever positivity that I can muster and do it right!

pray for my please!! :(












UPDATE:

I DIDN'T DO IT.

After I had spent almost 6 hours preparing for the speech, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. Time was running up and we had to close the gathering earlier than planned. I was so nervous before the gathering that I actually cried from the sheer nerve-wreckingness. GARH. For nothing!!

Though I don't know whether I should be relieved or frustrated.


I'm doing both actually and it makes me feel a little itty bitty weird. haha.

-- ok, all I wanted is opportunities though I don't exactly expect this.