one hell of a week

last week was beyond madness. seriously. so many things that happened. i was actually surprised when i noticed it was actually friday today and it was time for me to go home! that was how busy things were.

ok before i began, let's start with the main agenda:

the month of ramadhan has begun!
ramadhan kareem!
happy fasting!

fasting in uia is nothing out of ordinary. not yet anyways. haha. though, i'm still racking my brain in how to get food for sahur. my mum got mad at me for eating maggi for two days straight for sahur. so what?? i mean, IT'S THERE. it's easy to buy, easy to eat, easy to prepare. especially if it's 4 am in the morning! oh yeah, can't wait to raid pasar ramadhan near uia! :D

the thing about pasar ramadhan is that usually, my family would end up buying the same damn thing again and again. murtabak. karipap. kuey teow. sometimes roti john and roti boom but even then, that's because i asked for them. so, buying with friends, i'm gonna get more variety! WOOT!

ok next agenda was this:

BEN DRAMA PRODUCTION!

it was a MIRACLE. somebody must've prayed solat hajat for us all - maybe madam azimah herself! hahha. it was a MIRACLE that it wasn't a complete disaster. Seriously. It almost got cancelled. it was 90% to 10%. 90% being it's likely to be cancelled. Me and my friend Shaba was content with the fact that the drama might get cancelled so we don't have to attend as much production meetings... haha.

why did it almost fail? well, firstly, we have a fucked up egomaniac as our leader. i'm not surprised if all of the committees either hate his guts or scared of him or both. either way, i do not like that guy. in fact, i made him as a role model on who NOT TO BE when i become a senior. crazy asshole. secondly, the thing is our production has NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER. seriously. before the last few days of our production date, most of us subcomms don't know what the hell is going on. we just expect everything is settled. HELL NO. then, everything fell apart and then we know where our flaws are. we were like a sinking ship. suddenly, we realised our headcomms aren't exactly as reliable as we thought they were. regrets are passed around.

thirdly, the script was crap. i hate the whole BEN attitude sometimes. the whole, WE ARE BEN, WE ARE AMAZING, BOW TO ME attitude. i mean, ok, sometimes it does feel good, but honestly, the arrogance of some of the seniors are sickening. the script, for one thing, is adapted from a drama in our class. it was set in the 1950's and in a typical country place. so, basically, the dialogues are really hard to understand. i mean, unless you really listen and analyze, then you might get it.

i don't know about you but serious dramas only work if the acting is really good. and well, our actors weren't all that, if you know what i mean. the thing is, i have the feeling that they only picked a serious drama to show people up. because it's such a BEN thing to do. it's like, they wanna say, yeah we do serious dramas only, we don't do comedies because we are serious and intellectual and bla bla bla. shut the fuck up! we're suppose to APPEAL to people - not gun them down. seriously, if i ever get to participate in another drama, i am making sure this kinda attitude does not exist in the production.

however, production night was a good experience! surprisingly, since i've dissed about it so much up there. i was in the make up and wardrobe committee but for some reason, that night i was part-time prop master! haha! so, yeah between the scenes, i carried the furnitures and what not. IN MY JUBAH. RUNNING. CARRYING A SOFA. YES, A SOFA. haha. but working in the backstage was so much fun! it was the only time we had fun throughout this whole production really. we laughed, we hung out with the actors between scenes, camwhored, dissed some of our headcomms, etc etc. haha. i think because we're already sick and tired of being sick and tired! so yeah, it was all good. and surprisingly, some people even said it was good!

imagine that, from almost cancelled to actually decent. wow. MIRACLE.

oh and the third agenda is not exactly an agenda. not exactly an event either. i had a fight with a bunch of my close friends in uia. not exactly a fight since they weren't any dissing or catfights or anything though they were a lot of apologies. saying it's a misunderstanding is A HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. but now, i don't even know the condition of our relationship. i don't even know if we are still friends. i don't know anything.

all i know is that when i look at them in the face, i can't look at them in the eye even though i'm the one who is innocent. awkward awkward awkward. so tensed. what to believe? i don't know anymore. in a matter of hours, you told me things that are a world apart and contradicts each other. i was depressed at first, then pissed and now, i'm just in shock.

i don't know how to go from the state of shock to normal again. i just don't know how to unlearn what you told me. i just don't know how to be normal with you guys now. sad but true. i wish i can. but i just can't lie to myself how i feel about you.

please give me time.

-- dan semua menghilang.