i feel old.

i am sarcastic yet vulnerable. i am jaded but optimistic. i am cynical and whimsical.

for the first time, i feel like i can do anything. it is not the optimistic kind of everything. this is the everything kind of everything. i can do something bad or good on my own will at anytime i want. i could completely destroy myself - its just that the thought to do so never occurred to me before, not because i couldn't.

suddenly i realise the responsibility i am holding above myself.


i am my own qada' and qadar.

what is innocence? better to lose it early before innocence turns into ignorance.



i believe that you have to die a little so that you can live for more.


-- i believe in cruel love. i'd rather see you crawling helplessly on the floor if i know that you will get up again stronger later.