146 hours
six days to go.
I have started packing. I already got a few baju kurungs in my suitcase for a couple of days and I am going to move on with the blouses and skirts soon. Since I'm coming back every weekend (that's the planlah but I'm not sure if I am coming back every weekend), I think the packing will be a gradual process. Like bring the basics first then... I don't know, my radio and things? Basically everything has already been bought. Except my stationary things but that'll take a second.
Anyway, I am feeling sort of sad. That I am leaving. For some reason, I feel as though I am not only leaving home and friends but also my former self. I guess this is one more step to adulthood. I am scared though. I always feel like I am being forced to grow up overnight but I guess everybody feels that way at one point.
I think one of the biggest reason of my aforementioned sadness is the fear of being alone.
It's a ridiculous fear because you know, how would I know I would be alone? But it's still there. I am envisioning myself walking ahead alone. And the friends who I had are no longer around. The people I once knew would probably not decorate my days anymore.
It's like my past is my past and my future is my future and the only thing remains from the two is just me. And at that moment - the moment where the past stops and future has yet to begun - starts the kind of loneliness I am feeling.
It's not the absence of company. It's the absence of the past that will not repeat itself.
Time to let go, Atikah.
-- don't sway, don't ever go away...
3 Comments:
Well the plunge into adulthood can be scary as some say, but trust me, you can do it! It's not really that bad as some may imply!
And hey, you are not alone, there will always be ones out there to be by your side, heck I'm willing to lend an ear if you want! And it's not ridiculous; everybody has to face something in their life; it's a matter of how you face it! Have faith and cheer up k!
Hey babe, I know exactly what you mean. Me and you, off to public U's, its a whole different ballgame. I hope that I'll find someone as cool and crazy and as whack as you. :)
well, it is scary. we all have fears. we all are afraid to let go of what we're used to. But you gotta get through it and you gotta be hella good at it. Don't worry about being alone, if there's one thing we should learn from being together all these years, is that, we are no longer that shy gullible idiot back then. So no worries. You're gonna do just fine and I bet you 50 cents on that ;D (coz thats how much I got)
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