stressed on nothing

You know what, I think I'm a stress junkie.

You know, the cramped feeling. The constant overthinking. The doesn't-make-any-sense part of stress. I mean, it's not like I voluntarily like stress but I put myself in situations where I would just feel spazzed. Maybe I just love conflict. That would explain why I feel stressed over nothing. No, literally nothing.

Well, for a start, I'm bored out of my skulls. Really bored. Days seem to past so fast that I just wanna go ok stop now! Let me enjoy this one minute at least! It's like I wake up, breakfast, nothing, lunch, evening walk or something, nothing, dinner, nothing, sleep. The nothing is usually me watching tv or going online or watching some videos. The activities are so meaningless.

Ok, I do admit that I can easily be bored. I am. So very easily. Which is why I wonder why girls like those guys who are 'blur'. Days of trying to make them understand you? That's hot? Spare me. How easy am I to get bored? Ok, let's take one day of crazy outing. Like, it's so much fun and spastic and delicious that the memory of the day itself will burn right onto the base of my scalp for days to come. The next day? At home and bored to death. If I had it my way, everyday would be some crazed party from the get-go. I guess that's my immature mind talking. Either way.

To prove my point, last Saturday, my cousin, Roki just got hitched! Woo! And the event went super! It was great! I had fun even though it was incredibly tiring! Oh yeah baby!

Today, argh.

Plus, there's this habit of people keep asking me what I'm doing nowadays. I don't know what they expect me to do. Probably get a job or take an extra course or whatever. Well, I'm doing neither of that. So, in their eyes, obviously I'M WASTING PRECIOUS TIME. And the thing is, I agree with them. I am wasting precious time by doing nothing. Seriously, the thought of wasting time is scaring the beejeezus out of me. Thus, I stress.

Atikah, what're you doing nowadays?

Nothing. Really. Nothing absoutely amazingly nothingness. The amazing beautiful supercalifragilistic of supreme NOTHING.

You know, life would be so much effing better if I live in Subang. I know, I know, people will say that I'm taking it as a scapegoat. That I should just accept the fact that I live in Kajang now so suck it up. But I can't help it ok. Even the nearest Seven Eleven is in a driving distance. The Kajang Town itself is a ghost town. Infested with mat rempits and scary seedy-looking folks. At night, the place is infested with more mat rempits and mat indons and even transvestites. It's not alive, that's one thing. In Subang, we actually have a community. The place is alive. I can just pick any options to do anything there.

I mean, the nearest decent mall is JJ which is in Cheras. Hello?? HELLO!!

My parents are always not around. Sometimes they do ask me to tag along but we always do boring stuff like going to bank or paying taxes or something like that. So, usually, I stay out. My sister is always not around either on the account that her school semester had started. And I have a job now. I am now to accompany my grandmother so she wouldn't be lonely. She would usually be in the living room so I watch the television with her. Thus, the cycle of nothingness.

Waitressing. Not my idea of fun, I guess. Ok, the bright side is of course money. But even that isn't a strong factor enough for me to work. 8 hours mah! Damn. You know what I would love to work at? You know those shops that solely sell bags? I would love to do that! I would just gush over each bag to the customer. Oooh, suede is lovely, no? Leather? PVC? Or even MPH, where I would just read my books in the spare time. Ok, those people in MPH must've done something... but still. No MPH around or anything.

God, I suck. Anyway, I gotta go and eat lunch and stuff again...

-- I'm listening to DMX's song: 'Yah got make me lose mah mind UP IN HERE UP IN HERE!' haha. Damn. He just rapped through my heart! DMX understands me! Nyaah!