education

Last Saturday, I went to the Education Fair '07 by the the Star newspaper and well... it was probably one of the most depressing things I've been to recently.

Ok. Why?

I've realised that my hopes in pursuing English Literature is pretty much... harder than expected. Much much MUCH harder than expected. Sigh.

First of all, there are 4 public universities (that I know so far) that actually offers the course - USM, UKM, UM and UIA.

First bad news - The first three unies? They want STPM QUALIFICATIONS. Which equals back to school. Which equals suck. Because STPM, to my somewhat narrow-minded brain, only applies to SPM rejects ( no offence to those that doesn't apply to the description and yet taking STPM!). And generally, STPM is always percepted as hard. Harder than SPM, in fact. Thinking the fact that SPM was pretty much torture to my mental state of health, I don't even want to think about STPM.

Hell, I didn't even think of STPM until last Saturday in which some officials from unies and colleges told me that I need to sit for the paper if I wanted to take up the course.

Except one uni.

Which is UIA. Universiti Islam Antarabangsa.

The irony of this is that whenever I thought of college, I think of late nights and partying and crazy wild youngsters and ... all the things that my sister can do in her semi-private MMU. Her bloody uni even has a freaking swimming pool in their dorm area, for god's sakes. They have wireless internet connection all over the compound, for crying out loud. All these things? THEY MAKE ME WANT TO CRY. THAT'S MY DREAM UNI. I WANT MMU. I CAN'T DO THINGS IN UNIVERSITI ISLAM ANTARABANGSA!!

And the biggest irony is I have to, want to, NEED TO go to UIA because UIA doesn't need STPM qualifications. I mean, they accept it but it isn't a must because UIA has its own Pre-U levels. Which means if I get enrolled in UIA, I don't need to sit for STPM just to take the Eng Lit course. Which means I don't have to go through two years of schooling again just to be a uni student.

If I don't get UIA, it's back to school for me. And that makes me want to cry at the Education Fair '07. Even the college officials could read that in my face.

So I am HOPING A LOT for UIA and good SPM results like crazy right now.

Oh yes, you'd be wondering, how about private colleges?

Prior to popular belief, they don't offer everything as long as you can pay them.

They only offer that course for A-Levels and then, you are on your own. What the hell! Lebih baik takyah! Because for one thing if colleges don't offer for degrees and whatnot, then the only option I have left to move forward is to attend public unies and THEY WANT STPM. BUT I ONLY HAVE A-LEVELS SO THAT MEANS MONEY WASTED ON COLLEGE FEES FOR NOTHING!!

It's like this horrible cycle and everytime I come to the end of the road, I come up with the same problem.

So now, I have three choices: STPM, UIA or change my course into something more available.

I've thought of UIA and I guess that's the most 'ok' path to choose. Except I don't get to choose. They choose. So, I'm helpless with this option. I FEEL LIKE PULLING MY HAIR OUT!

Then, STPM... I joked to Shafiq that I'm glad I haven't thrown out my school uniforms yet. Who knows, I might use them... The only thing that consoles me is that hundreds of undergrads go through STPM, too. And! Matriks is just like STPM when you think about it. Two years of wearing the same old school uniforms... I might be going to Kajang Convent High School if you know... this option is on the roll... Oh god please, UIA!

The last and final option: change courses. Argh. The thing is I don't know! And I am a stupid stupid girl. I am. For one thing, my mind quickly flashes to Graphic Design when I think about the impossibilities of Eng. Lit. because after all, that's my initial plan way back in Form 4. Then DOH! I DON'T HAVE AN EFFING ARTS PAPER IN MY SPM. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EFFING DRAW. HOW THE EF AM I GONNA DO GRAPHIC DESIGN IF I CAN'T EVEN DRAW A SIMPLE 3D SPHERE. Oh my god. I want to die like right now. Why the bloody fuck did I take pure science? This is what we call poor planning, people. Kids, don't be like me.

I mean, I don't even have a second option!

Then, my brains goes way way back to my innocent but hard-working years of Form 3.

When I wanted to become a doctor. Yes, I used to want to become a doctor.

Ahhh... Medic. Wide, safe and definitely available field of education. I mean, just think about it, even scholarships are aimed for medic students. I mean sure, there are practically tons of medic students wannabe out there and it's a tough crowd. But they will always have a place. They have a chance. All they need is MONEY. Which I have but I don't know who to give to. And ok, scholarships are hard but they still have a chance to apply. As for me, nada'! I look through their requirements and usually medic students are definitely on the list. Not English students. Not worth their money, I guess.

HELLO. I am going to be the educator of tomorrow ok! My choice of career is important too!

Everytime I think of Medic, my mind goes to Grey's Anatomy. I so don't want to end up like them. It's up to the point that hospitals are their real home and where the heart is and whatnot. And I'm not passionate about Medic at all. I don't want to go through 8 years of studying and realising everything is a huge mistake.

My mum wants me to take Accounts. OH HELL THE IRONY IS LIKE MELIMPAH RUAH. For a start, one of the reasons I took Pure Science is to avoid taking Accounts. But you know, there are always situations where my mother is proven right. So... accounts? Honestly?

Yes, I am at crossroads now. I am like Britney Spears in that movie of hers. Except she's wondering whether to lose her virginity or not. Which is apparently a loud YES answer.

I just wish somebody would just tell me what to do...

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

--- THIS POST REALLY ABUSES THE CAPSLOCK KEY. I've met a lot of kids from our school at the EduFair that day! For a start, Shafiq of course since we already planned to meet there. And we did - for 2 minutes. People like Firdaus, Alushi, Aidil, Azlikha and even Maverick! Maverick was a feet away from me but he is so damn huge that he didn't even notice me. haha.