hibernation interrupted

I don't enjoy sleeping anymore.

I know, my friends are gonna roll their eyes and go blah blah blah but honestly, I don't. Most of the time, I sleep because I had to.

Last year, I slept because I want to. It's like, I'd announce happily that it's my afternoon nap time! Like I'm still in kindergarten or something. Good times, they were. I'd go back from school, bathed, fed and feeling all snuggly-comfortable and thought, hey, perfect time to doze off for awhile, ya know? My bed, though it's probably some cheap old mattress, was the most comfortable bed ever. Ever. Sleeping and post-sleep is bliss. Especially after travelling to wide open spaces in some other people's country and coming back to your own bed - gah, heaven babey!

Now I just had to.

I just had to. I am so damn tired most of the time. I don't know why. Probably lack of exercise, bad eating habits and all that schmuck. But I think it's the travelling from Kajang to SJ every effing day. I would waste 2 hours just going back to back to school. And that's if I go straight home from school! Sometimes I have detours like eating lunch at some restaurant or picking up mum from office or buying last-minute groceries - before reaching home! I have been in malls so many times in my school uniform that it doesn't even feel dorky anymore. haha! Once, I went to Sunway Pyramid, drenched wet in my school uniform because I walked in the rain earlier that afternoon! Think of my rep! Ishk.

Once, I was still wearing my school uniform at 8 p.m. because we had so many detours. God, it was so tiring I wanted to die.

Sometimes I just want time to stop. It's going too fast for me. Or too slow. Either which.

Most days, I would come home, dump my school stuff somewhere in my room and crash into bed. Sometimes I couldn't be bothered to bath. Sometimes I didn't even eat lunch. I was just too tired to think about my blocked skin pores or hot chicken curry. I - just - need - sleep. That's all I need at that moment.

In a different scenario, I need to sleep because I knew that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. It's like, I'd study till the wee hours in the morning and wake up late - again! So, I had to sleep even though I was wide awake and I really needed to finish up some chapters in the textbook. My usual bedtime nowadays is 1 or 2 o clock in the morning. Yeah, that's why I wake up late these days. And it wasn't even the enjoyable sort of sleep. The next morning, I feel tired because I slept for 4 hours only. Gah, it's so stupid! Why can't I enjoy sleep anymore!

Same goes with food. Ok, there are times when I am truly hungry and had the desire to eat. But there are some days where I eat lunch because I figured I had to. I mean, I'm gonna have lunch anyways, why the hell not have it now or something... Sometimes, even how interesting or delicious the food seemed to be, I would just stare it and think,' eating again huh? hmmm.. geez... this is so damn mafan. eat this and eat that... geez.' Earlier this year, I almost had gastric because... stress? lost interest? poor time-management? Choose your pick.

So, now, food and sleep is good for me because it's vital to go through everyday life.

But I don't seemed to enjoy it much anymore. I hope it's temporary.

-- rockabyebaby.