emo girl thinking about her emo life because it is just an emo thing to do

There are times when I wish my life was simple.

This is a selfish wish since my life isn't complicated in the first place.

What I meant was simple for me to see.

Most of the time, I feel like I'm playing a game. And I am losing - in this game.

Most of the time, I find myself missing some pieces. I obsess on those missing pieces.

And sometimes, because of the obsession, I loose the ones that I already have.

I wish I have some sort of manual.

I wish I know what I'm doing and for once, think IT'S ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT MOVE.

I wish that my life was simple so that I can see a chance for what it is and not coincidentals.

I wish that my life was simple so I could see an unbreakable barrier and stop trying to crash through it. I don't have bones to spare.

I wish that my life was simple so that when somebody says no, I accept it, and not wait anxiously for the yes. And wonder and wonder and wonder, why did they say no? Surely, they're mistaken? I mean, really.

I wish that I see a rejection as it is and move the fuck on and not obsess over WHY NOT ME?

I wish that I don't have to wish to want to be somebody else.

I wish that I don't have a reason to want to be somebody else.

And most importantly -

I wish I don't have to change for anybody just so I can be satisified with my life.

Isn't being my flawed self enough?

Apparently not.

-- Emo. emo. I am so damn emo.