love story..so sweet and touching!!1! like, read!!1 for lovers!

I hate those so-called 'touching' and 'romantic' shitty love stories that are bizarrely unrealistic. Most of them are circulating the net from forwarded emails and bulletin boards and the such. I hate them! Ok, fine, you want to create something sweet that celebrates LURVE. But quit churning out crappy ones that just ain't gonna happen! I always wonder what kind of idiot would create such crap; obviously they've been fantasizing way too much. Life is nothing like that. God, even the soap operas don't have that kind of life.

But what annoys me the most are the idiots that actually read and adore these type of stories. I used to go to this girl's webbie because she's this superly talented graphic designer. But in her webbie, there's a whole page dedicated to that kinda crap! One of her 'lovely' stories are this guy and girl riding a motorbike down the hill. Suddenly, this guy - calmly, may I add - tells the girl how much this girl meant to him and how he loves her every fricking day and all that jazz. The girl was basically hysterical with lurrve. Then they crashed into a lorry. The girl survived for some reason and the doctor told her it was because of a brake failure. The guy knew about it so he went all emo to the girl because he knows he's gonna die... WHAT A LOAD OF CRAPPO.

Yesterday, I went to Friendster and whaddyaknow, in the bulletin board, at least two people had posted a so-called love story. Ugh. I wish I can slap them in their faces. Ever ready to corrupt the young minds, I've kinda changed a bit of the stuff in it. Unfortch, Friendster wouldn't let me post it because they're some unsuitable stuff in it? Weird... Never knew Friendster was virginal.. but whatever! Be warned that I made this at 2.30 pm so yeah, my brain was completely bombed. Most of the dialogue are from the original text. You can't believe the crap they made.



-girl calls up boy: hey happy anniversary again
-boy: hi happy anniversary! sorry i left so early i had to go to work. so what did you want to tell me?
-girl: i wanted to say i love you... couldn't you guess? i've been telling you that since like, forever.
-boy: yeah i know everyone does!
-girl: really???
-boy: yeah... everyone of my friends that are girls tell me that everyday. my guy friends hate my guts though. everyday, they spit in my drink and flirt with my mum and kick my dog and eat up my school homework and blame my dog and...and..ITS HORRIBLE
-girl: oh... but am i only your friend? because i can get really really jealous.
-boy: no..i told you already about my other friends . youre my girlfriend... why? god, you're such a ditz. but i love you just the way you are...
-girl: so when i say i love you i really do mean it? do you get that? do you really really get that??
-boy:yeah i know you do mean it... its just that you dont need to tell me that you love me anymore. it's getting kinda tiring. and well, my mom is getting kinda jealous... cuz i know you love me since the day we been together and i love you more each and everyday... i love your humps the most..
-girl: ...... OMG I'M SO FREAKING SPEECHLESS
-boy: so wanna go somewhere tonight for our 7th anni? ver? sary?
-girl: hell, why not. where?
-boy: i dont know... maybe movie then dinner?
-girl: hmmm...nah.
-boy:WHAT? YOU DARE TO OBJECT ME? YOU CHEATING NYMPHO!
-girl:...ok..god...drama queen much?
-boy:ill pick you put after i get off and get ready ok?
-girl: ok. what time do you get off?
-boy: in 2 hours and then i gotta go home and yeah get ready which takes about 15-20 minutes...though i think i need to moisturise my hair.. my hair is getting kinda greasy. god, it's such a pain sometimes to be beautiful! and don't you even let me say about my pores. They're like so HUGE. And like, OMG!
-girl: aye... i thought you didnt have work today...
-boy: one of my co-workers called in sick. the gay one. you do not know how many times i told him to not mess around with the manager. he's so unhygenic! so ill see you around 7:30 then? i love you
-girl: i love you too!
-boy: ok my manager is like looking at me so yeah.i think he's checking out my ass.

2 hours later... the boy drives to his girlfriends house.boy walks up to the door and rings bell

-girl: hey. is my butt look big in this?
-boy: girl, your ass could be big as jlo's and i would still love it..
-girl: really?? (tears glistening in her eyes)
-boy: yeah. though a nose job would do you SO MUCH favour.
-girl: babey! that's like, THE SWEETEST THING anyone ever said to me! honest!

once they were done eating they head back to the car but before she got into the car...

-boy:wait! can i blind fold you?
-girl: why??!
-boy:its a suprise
-girl: what kind of suprise?
-boy: a big one. I WANNA RAPE YOU AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH. nah, kidding.
-girl: okay but only if you promise me that you will hold my hand while we're driving. and no raping. i'm saving myself for marriage! (beams)
-boy: darn...ok, i promise
-girl: ok blind fold me...GEEZ, BE GENTLE. WHAT'RE U? RETARDED?

so they drove off..

-boy:ok we're here!
-girl: where?
-boy:wait let me walk you to the place!
-girl: what place?
-boy: somewhere! CAN YOU STOP ASKING QUESTIONS.
-girl: babe!... i love it when you get rough on me!

the boy walks her to the place. the narrator is stupid and obvious like the frigging moon. omg, does this mean I'm the narrator? Is that how you spell narrator? Cuz, I like, don't know.

-boy: ok.... let me the blind fold off you. i cant speaka english very well. am from bangladeshi. english no no. bad.
-girl: where are we? omg.... (tears come down)
-boy: why are you crying?
-girl: YOU HURT ME YOU FREAKING ANIMAL. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY BE GENTLE??...this is where you first asked me out...
-boy: what are you doing the rest of your life?
-girl: i dunno. didn't think about it. go to Ponyland? meet brad pitt. have wild partying in the middle of the pacific ocean. sleep with donald trump. be best friends with paris hilton...

30 minutes later...

-girl: and like, get a tattoo that says I Love Mom on my arm and..
-boy: girl, like, these shoes are killing me, ok? lemme do what i wanted to do, alright girlfriend? (flips hair) ok, i'm just gonna say this once, ok? (breathes) WANNAGOBALLWIMME?
-girl: Wha??
-boy: will you marry me?

(hes on his knees and after he says that. ..behind him... in the air it says "will you marry me?" in fireworks. logically, it doesn't work.because fireworks don't stay that long in the sky. one blink and you'd miss it. poor boy. he bribed his gay friend just to have that done)

-girl: (tears come down faster) I'M SO EMO
-boy: i wasnt at work when you called me... i was planning this whole thing! i am like, naturally gay! look, i even got my nails done with your fave colour! magenta yellow! carson is sooo gonna flip when he hears this!
-girl: get up!
-boy: yeah? -girl: (kisses him)
-boy: is that a yes or a no?
-girl: DUH, NO. everyone knows my fav colour is asteroid blue. you cheating ass! you're sleeping with some girl aren't u?? u can kiss my jlo's ass goodbye!

and the girl walked away..

>> OMG. LolZ! U've REaD ThIs. So NoW, YoU'Re Lyke, HaVing 10 yrs of BAD LUCK IN DATEING AND RELATIONSYEPS!!! LIKE, OMG!111!!!! ?/!?!1/

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nAH, LyKe, KDDING! j/k!!!! U r lYkE gOnNA hAV a GReAT lIFE!111 u GeT 2 Sleep Wit Ur neighbour. N LoaDs Of FuN!!! NoT pOsTinG ThiS HaS No EfFecT WhaTsoEvEr Wit Ur LIfE!!! LyKe, EnJoY it!!! WOOO!!! I'M LIKE SO RETARDED1!!

-- Let this be a lesson to all of you. Some of the stuff inside the story has some major grammatical and typo issues. But it's just too mafan for me to fix them. And the 'WANGOBALLWIMME' is a Harry Potter reference. hahaha. I don't think you guys saw that.