Unresolved Responsibilities and Jittery Nerves

I'm feeling sort of nervous. Nervy because all the things I'm supposed to do today has not been done and will never ever be. This is supposed to be a very busy day for me but I end up watching a re-run of Outback Jack while my other family members are on the way to Seremban. Ok, let's go through this:

1st Unresolved Responsibility:

My Addmaths tuition. I had missed it for the fourth bloody effing time! My teacher is going to kill me. She is famed for bashing people for not being responsible enough to show up. And I failed to do that for the 4th time. I AM DOOMED. Seriously, I have never been so nervous ever since I skipped Pn. Azila's BM class last year.

Last Wednesday: Dead tired from the Y.E.P meeting and everything. I overslept. Postponed to Friday.

Last Friday: It was supposed to be a birthday party for my aunt and nephew. I don't want to miss a family occasion. So, I postponed it to Saturday. Found out that the party was 'suddenly' (thanks to my aunt) changed to Saturday night. End up watching T.V instead.

Yesterday: Ok, this is my fault. I messed up my schedule. I came at 9 a.m when I'm supposed to be there at 3. Got scolded on the phone - by a tuition teacher no less. Couldn't reach at 3 since my Dad was busy at that hour. Postponed to Sunday (which is today). That night, told my Dad to wake me up early, set the alarm in my phone, and told my maid to wake me up for the Subuh prayers. Foolproof, no?

Today: Woke up at 8.55 a.m. Class starts in another 5 minutes. I died.

Now, I'm paksa-ing my mum to make up a good excuse for me. At least, for my ears. I do not want to get bashed again. Either that or I'm seriously thinking of quitting. I'm sorry that I'm crap at Addmaths but the pressure for a tuition I paid for is ... CRAP! I know that she is dedicated and everything but God... PRESSURE! PRESSURE! I need to call her later. *cringe*

2nd Unresolved Responsibility

Y.E.P production thing that I'm supposed to attend two hours ago... I got no transport whatsoever. My family, like I informed you earlier, is going to Seremban. My friends have their own thang for some reason. Some gone back to kampung and some just have guitar lessons and all that. Isn't it funny that the Production Manager couldn't attend the production session? I'm not the manager if you're thinking about it. I really want to help do this production thing - I feel guilty and absolutely useless right now. Not only that I'm just a normal member but not even participating in helping is just...

I feel so depressed now. I'm trying hard not to fail my Addmaths (my sister smugly told me that she had never failed her Addmath exams even once), I don't have any title in any persatuan whatsoever, my social life is not even that colourful for a person with little academic skills... What do I have really? Nothing. It's like I'm trying everything at once and end up not gaining that much. All these pressure is for things that don't even give any significant in my life. I can't even say 'Even though I failed in this and this, at least I have ...'.

This year really made me thinking. I have only two years left to prove to myself that I could stand on my own with achievements to boot. I'm going to be out of this school soon and I still don't do anything much! Sure, I have 8A's but suddenly it just doesn't matter. I bet there are hundreds of Malaysian kids who got the same, too. So, what makes me different from any of them? I feel like I'm wasting my life by being the same for all these years.

What am I going to do with my life?!

-- I'm doomed for an average life, aren't I?